Friday, January 11, 2008

Walmart Happy Hour

Can someone please, please, please tell me what is the allure of socializing at Walmart!?! I try to remain anonymous for fear of someone I know seeing my dirty ripped shirt, and ratty hair. I don't always look like that but it's usually when I'm the nastiest that I need something from the store.
At any rate, I have been to Walmart stores in every Gulf Coast state and it's always the same...2 or more women hanging out in the aisle with 15 kids flailing about "catching up". Catching up to what?!? This is a small town, it's hard to miss anyone. Especially when you can measure their behinds with a yardstick (or two). They say American society is obsessed with belong thin but in this Texas town, Bigger Is Better!
I'm a southern girl born in Alabama and grew up south of the Mason Dixon my whole life. This means I know Southern Hospitality... but when it comes to Wally World all bets are off. When I'm not getting run down by Maw-Maw in the scooter, I deal with human roadblocks down every aisle, including employees!
When you walk up to these roadblocks, you would think that is enough of a signal for them to clear a path, just a small one that a poor soul could eke through. Oh but no, this earns you "The Look". You know, the one. The "who the hell are you interrupting my conversation, and I'm not moving my fat ass for nothin." Meanwhile, the little serial killers in the making are pulling crap from the shelves, spitting on the floor, and opening packages. ARRRGH! It's enough to pop a vein in my head!!
My husband, the "Ragin' Cajun"(yes folks, he's a bonafide Chalmatian) does a great job of getting down to their level. He barrels through smacking carts and looking like he's about to go postal. But he usually adds a comment of their sizes which scares me to death because...I know they could whup me from here to Sunday. I think they could pulverize Mark when you think of it.
Well, I certainly feel better! Except for the fact I need to go to the store for dinner. Damn!! Maybe if I wore battle gear?!...

1 comment:

Rhonda said...

This is too freaking funny!!! I can so relate to your Wally World scenerio...It is like that everytime I go back to the Coast...I always run into someone that I know I went to school with and from the way they are talking to me, it sounds like we were pretty good friends back then, but do to 'almost' hitting 40 (you've got me beat) :) I cannot remember who the hell they are...
Ok, just wanted to check out your blog...Love reading your vents and what is going on with your 'peeps'...